Comparison and Time

Two weeks ago we posed a question, “What if we took all the time, money, and effort we spent on trying to keep up with everyone else, and started giving it away to those who really need our time, money, and effort?”

Let’s swing the spotlight over to time this week.  It’s doubtful many of us spend lots of intentional, thoughtful time making a list of what we don’t have and what others do.  More likely, however, we spend lots of that time without knowing it.  Whether we see someone we envy for whatever reason, or we find ourselves daydreaming about how much better our life would be if we were like him or her, it would be interesting to know how much that comparison robs us of time we could be spending doing more useful things.

This seems to be most of what goes on in our head when we’re deep into social media.  Without some careful boundaries, after seeing everyone’s vacations and celebrations, we’re tempted to feel worse about ourselves instead of cheering them on.  In fact, recent studies have shown that lots of exposure to social media can open the door to feeling depressed: https://www.forbes.com/sites/amitchowdhry/2016/04/30/study-links-heavy-facebook-and-social-media-usage-to-depression/#5535cc914b53

Let’s cut to the chase.  How do we get some of our time back?

1.) One of the biggest traps of social media is not just the informal comparison that it causes, but my challenge to myself (and to you, if you’re up for it) is to spend a little less time on what’s already happened around you and those you know and more time making some good things happen for the same people.  Write a note of encouragement (yes, even using social media), go on a walk and talk to a neighbor, get to that project that you’re beating yourself up for not getting to.  I’m not trying to sink social media (because ironically it’s one of the best ways this blog gets shared), but just trying to help myself put better guardrails around it.

2.) If you’re working more hours or extra jobs to try to keep up with an ideal lifestyle, take some time to evaluate what’s being spent for what you’re getting.  I know this might be a big can of worms, but some people I know who are the happiest are the ones who have traded a big house for a medium house and more of their life back.

3.) Spend some of your time listing out what you’re thankful for.  This will help your comparison emotion next time you’re faced with what someone else has or is doing.

I’m thinking about all these things myself.  Hoping that you can join me in wrestling some of my time back from comparison.

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What Comparison Gets You

When I was about 13, I was invited to Mario’s Party.  I know I’m showing my age a bit when I tell you that this had absolutely nothing to do with a video game – it hadn’t even been thought of yet.  This Mario was one of the most popular 8th graders at Longfellow Intermediate School, and somehow I ended up getting a chance to go to his birthday party.  I remember the week before, as I walked through the halls, looking at all those unfortunate classmates who I knew didn’t get an invitation to the party, feeling pity for them.  Poor non-Mario-party people.

Day of the party, I’m stoked and can’t wait to spend time outside school with the cool people (where I’m sure I belong, of course) who are going to be at this party.  Once I got to the very crowded party of about 30 of us, I spent most of my time trying to hang out with Mario (it was his party, after all).  He had the same two or three other guys around him the whole party, and I spent most of my time there (and after the party) languishing in the fact that I wasn’t in Mario’s close circle of friends.

Comparing ourselves to others will usually only produce one of two things in us – pride, or jealousy.  Neither takes us to good places.

I didn’t really think about it at the time, but I experienced both extremes in that two-week period back in 8th grade, and it hasn’t stopped since then.  Stacking myself up to others in school, in my career, in the imaginary scoreboard of money and posessions – it only gets more intense as we go through life.

What if…just hang with me, what if we took all the time, money, and effort we spent on trying to keep up with everyone else, and started giving it away to those who really need our time, money, and effort?

Over the next month, we’ll take a weekly look at some ways to do that.  Hope you can join us, and hope you can believe with us that all the things comparison offers us just aren’t worth it.

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The Anti-Lottery: Save Steady

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If I enjoyed giving guilt trips, I might want to talk to the guy who’s spent $10 a week for the past 5 years trying to win the lottery. I’d want him to have kept his box of 2,600 losing tickets. Then, I would show up with a box of $2,600 in cash and ask him which he’d rather have after 5 years. And even though I don’t enjoy dishing out guilt trips, and most people don’t save their losing lottery tickets, the reality is most of us want to skip the discipline and just get to the rich part.  We might even use wanting to be generous as an excuse to want to get rich (Soap box moment: Don’t wait until you consider yourself rich to start to be generous.  You’ll never be generous.)

One in three people in the United States believe that winning the lottery is the only way to financial security. Look, people win the lottery. I can’t argue that. People also get struck by lightning, and I can argue that you are six times more likely to get struck by lightning than winning the average state-lottery (about 45 times more likely if we’re talking about one of those multi-state lotteries).  Plus, did you know that after five years, two out of every three people who have won a big lottery would rather not have won the lottery?  Too much money too quick messes with you and those around you.

“Saving steady” saving means you give up on get-rich-quick chances like: the lottery, investment ideas guaranteed to make you rich, and striking oil in your backyard. Those things usually end up just wasting your money, and in the case of trying to strike oil, your landscaping. A good rule of thumb is to try to put aside 10% of what you make each week or each month for saving for the future. Do this steadily and over time you will watch the balance in your savings account and understand what good discipline can do.

But let’s say 10% is too high a place to start.  No problem, start where you can, but don’t aim too low.  Comb through your spending to see what you can cut back on, and devote that amount to savings.  Need some incentive?  Don’t look at what you can save each month.  Instead, take that amount and look at what you would be saving each year, or what you would have saved at the end of 5 years.  Even $25 a month turns into $300 at the end of the year, and $1,500 at the end of five years!  No matter how small, you’ll be glad you started.  Plus, increasing the amount you’re saving is easier than starting to save.  So get started!

 

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In Case of Emergency, Relax…

Relax?  Yes, if you’ve got an “emergency fund”, you have a reasonable shot at a state of non-panic when financial emergencies occur.

The first thing to do here is to define “emergency”. Emergencies are situations that interfere with your basic needs (shelter, food & water, transportation, etc.). Emergencies are not situations that interfere with your social life – they are not trips you want to go on, and they are definitely not late-night hunger or caffeine trips (yes, even if it’s your second consecutive all-nighter during exams or sick kids). Emergencies are also not things you can see coming (like those tires that your car is going to need, or that swiss cheese roof on your house you’ll need to fix in the next two years)

You’re going to want to set a certain amount aside for an emergency or two. How much, you ask? Most of your run-of-the-mill emergencies run $300-$500 (broken major appliance, unexpected car repair, etc.), so start by getting enough in your emergency savings to cover one of those things.

When (yup, you caught it, I did not use if) an emergency happens, you can use your emergency savings (so you don’t have to run to a credit card and get yourself in trouble), and then get to work building up your emergency savings back up to its original level.

Even More Emergencies

That doesn’t mean that we’re done with savings, though. Here are some other things that it’s smart to save for so you don’t get caught in the world of credit:

  • When it rains, it pours, right?  Make your next emergency savings level enough to cover 2-3 of those run-of-the-mill emergencies at the same time.
  • Want to reach a new level of emergency savings?  Try the “mild catastrophe level”.  This is enough to cover 3 months of living expenses in case all your income ceases due to job loss or sickness.  This should “buy” you enough time to find that next job and/or recover so you don’t have to add financial stress to your mild catastrophe.

Once you’re comfortable with your level of emergency savings, get working on your other financial goals – save for other future needs, or get to giving some of that extra to the needs that are out there!

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All Debt Costs You is Your Freedom

Shortly after leaving college and getting married, my friend Chris and his wife felt a calling to move to Europe and begin working with those less fortunate. They also wanted to be under the guidance of an organization that would help send them overseas. With a good number of agencies working in and around Europe, their hopes were high and they were excited to be sharing in the same unique calling. And while the calling was in sync, the timing apparently was not.

Debt was the culprit as multiple agencies declined partnering with the family. Both being relatively recent college graduates, Chris and his wife had a combined student loan debt of almost $90,000 between them. Because fundraising meant asking for others to sacrificially give to support the family’s expenses, it became obvious to the mission agencies that a majority of this donor-raised support would be dedicated to student loan payments, so they were told they could not be sent overseas until their debt was more manageable.

Debt can seem normal and needed (“everyone’s doing it”) until it starts to place demands on your life. Debt loads us down with financial burdens that keep us from things like financial freedom, generosity, and saving for future needs. We look to those who have money (and therefore who we borrow from) to provide for us what we can’t provide for ourselves…and what we won’t wait for.

An ancient proverb states, “the borrower is slave to the lender.”  Meaning what?  Well, in addition to stories like Chris’, above, it means having to go to your debtors first when money comes in, paying them off and only then exercising your freedom with the rest. The more things we obligate ourselves to each month, the less “free” we are to do what we want to do with our finances – whether that’s helping others or getting ready for the future.

We need to show debt to the door, escort it out, and triple-bolt the door behind it.  Make a budget (other posts on this blog can help you), don’t get discouraged, don’t lose hope, keep at it!  Our futures and the futures of those whom we can influence depend on it.

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The Real Payoff From School Loans

For those of us with school loans (or those of us who know someone with school loans…there, that should be everyone, right?), there are a few emotional moments when it comes to paying them off – the first tough moment is that month that they start becoming due – depending on how much you owe, that can be a small or a seismic shift for your living expenses. Another more euphoric moment is the day that they are all paid off.

Most of the days in between, though, are consumed with the ins and outs of life and our school loans fade into the category of being just another bill. It’s hard to get serious about paying off student loans. Why is this? Two big reasons. First, the amount is often huge and seems insurmountable, so we surrender to the impossibility of ever seeing the day they will be paid off and dutifully make our monthly payments and live our lives. Second, the interest rates on our student loans are usually low enough to fly under the radar when compared to other debt that we may have, so we focus on that and forget the school loans.

Assuming the more urgent and expensive debts have been taken care of, this particular post is not about debt or how to pay it off (but this one is). This post is about putting the slow and quiet repayment of those school loans front and center for one reason – those monthly payment amounts. Yes, you’re losing money with each month of interest that goes by, but the real goal here is about freeing up that monthly commitment you’re having to make each month.

So here’s the more important question – whether you are paying $100, $300, or $600 per month right now, what would you be able to do with that money if you weren’t paying off your school loans?

If I can simply offer an idea – assuming you’ve been making payments for some time, your financial life has adjusted around that fact. When your loans are one day paid off, it would almost be like having “extra” money each month. Therefore, since you’ll get to rewrite where that previously committed money goes from that day forth, don’t forget to be generous with some or all of it. Opportunities to carve some of our monthly finances out to help others more is a rare thing, so take advantage of it (for more on the why, check this out.)

So this is an encouragement to sell what you have to sell, set aside extra money in your monthly budget, whatever you need to do to be out from under that monthly obligation – then on that exuberant and joyous day when they’re all done, you reap the rewards of 1) no longer losing money every month to interest and 2) choosing how you can change the lives of others with what you do with your newfound “wealth”.

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First Things First

Starting to spend that tax refund (at least in your head?) Had an unexpected financial gift come your way? While it may not happen as often as we like, it is a really nice thing to have a little (or, hey, we’re not picky – a lot of) extra money come our way.

Whether it’s a real thing for you right now or not, there’s a good chance it will be, so…pop quiz:

How are you using it?

If you’re familiar with some of what we’ve shared here, you’d expect me to talk about using that extra money to meet financial goals you have (if you expected me to talk about lottery tickets or blowing it all on an ice sculpture of yourself, you’ve got the wrong blog). And yes, financial goals are a worthy use of that money, but since we’re here to learn more about generosity together, here’s the challenge:

Make your first thought a generous one. Truly, this is a thought revolution when compared to what’s probably going on around you.

That means that you’re making generosity one of your financial goals. Bonus points if you’re able to make it one of your top financial goals.

I’m not talking about giving all of your new-found wealth away (although, if that’s what you want to do, I’m not stopping you either). I’m simply saying that there are a growing number of us who, after one thorough walk through our house and garage have said “I have (more than) enough)”. Combine this with the fact that there are many people around us (in our world, our country, our very city) who have significantly less than and are simply asking for a chance, and we’ve got an opportunity to put generosity into action.
So here’s the practical challenge – you can take it or leave it (but I really hope you’ll take it). Make an agreement with yourself (or with your family) that whenever you receive unexpected income, that the first thing you’ll do is dedicate 10%, 20%, or half of it to give away.

(Disclaimer: If you’re about to be foreclosed upon or evicted, make this your challenge when your basic needs are not at risk)

Think about it this way – if you (like me and many others) have reached a point where you realize you have “enough”, and you’re about to get more, it’s very possible that you would still be doing OK if you gave some of it away.

Then use the rest for your financial goals, but do so with a bigger heart, knowing that you’ve changed others’ lives for the better by not feeding the lie that we need to spend all we get on ourselves.

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